Working For A Narcissistic Family Member — And Why I’ll Never Do It Again.

It’s taken me almost six years to realize that a close family member is a full-blown narcissist. And even longer to finally go no-contact.

But before then, I made a huge mistake.

Two years into my college diploma, I started a small marketing company with a fellow student. We were young, dumb and ready to start building up our portfolios.

All My Life, I’d Been Receiving Unprompted Messages Like This

More than twice my age, with a steadily uphill career trajectory spanning decades, my narcissist often used their experience to back up a never-ending supply of unsolicited ‘advice.’

I’m not trying to slag you or be an asshole…I’m talking from a manager’s point of view. There is a lot you need to bring up to a workplace level.

As a nineteen-year-old with years of criticism regarding my lack of professionalism, social graces, time management and communication skills rattling around in the back of my head, I had little to no confidence in my abilities going into college.

So, when this family member reached out looking for a logo design and a website, I was excited but hesitant.

I’d Already Had to Block Him On LinkedIn Before.

There are only so many ways you can explain what you do and why you should be ‘allowed’ to do it before it’s not worth the energy.

But mostly, I blocked my narcissist because threatening to report a college student to the CRA for freelancing seemed a bit extreme.

From the above conversation, I realized that my narcissist had somehow found and stalked my Reddit account. He had confused r/iamverysmart for a ‘high IQ website’ (whatever that means) and had zero faith in my abilities.

But I Have Always Been A Dumb, Dumb Child

Slowly, my coursework, interactions with other students and instructor feedback were helping me build up my confidence and (horror upon horrors) a level of pride in my accomplishments.

At the time, I assumed maybe I had recently gained those professional skills I’d been lacking. And some of them (time management, team leadership etc.) improved, I’m sure.

But it’s only now that I realize I probably always had these skills on some level. And they just needed polishing.

So, I naively said yes to the project. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, my narcissist would be proud of me and how much I’d grown if I could only show them.

It Immediately Became A Pissing Match

Not only was installing an SSL certificate with their chosen hosting provider an absolute nightmare, but every time I’d try to make a helpful recommendation, an unidentified friend ‘in the industry’ knew better.

And there was an underlying insinuation that my business wasn’t even on the same playing field because I didn’t have the same kind of money to put into it.

But whatever. I was a student, so maybe he could recommend us to this industry friend in the future.

(He did not).

And Then There Were The Ultimatums

Now, if I seem a bit defensive in the above conversation, it’s because my narcissist has been questioning our legitimacy ever since we started our business. All because we couldn’t afford to have a lawyer look over our documents.

(Which, while recommended, is not legally necessary to incorporate in Alberta.)

Instead, we asked some close business friends of ours for help getting set up, and my narcissist did not like that one bit.

And That’s When I Started Our ‘Customer Complaint — Respond By Email’ Policy

The entire time I’d been making sure to respond both by Facebook Messenger and email. I wanted to make sure there was a paper trail for everything.

Mainly because there was a real chance my narcissist might complain about our ‘lack of professionalism’ and ‘communication skills’ to other businesses before we’d even had a chance to get off the ground.

After a particularly volatile exchange, I politely tried to let us off the hook.

Subject: About Your Concerns

Hey,

There seems to be some confusion which I would like to clear up.

We have never been asked to provide our articles of incorporation before. Confirming with our accountant that this information could be shared without privacy concerns was a necessary step we would have taken regardless of who was asking.

I’m sorry that waiting from Tuesday at 2:22 pm till Wednesday at 9:00 am for us to hear back from our accountant felt like “a lot more work than it needed to be.” We do our best to keep turn around times for patrons within 48 hours. But when we require additional information from third parties, it’s difficult to guarantee. We are a small business without the financial backing to receive priority treatment from our vendors. I understand this may be inconvenient for clients of your size.

I would love to continue working with you as you grow your business. I feel this would be mutually beneficial for both parties. We provide a low cost, high-quality service, albeit at the expense of quick turn around times. I’ve begun the necessary research to convert your current website for e-Commerce capability. You seem uncertain about whether you would like me to continue as your webmaster. So I have provided the login information you requested.

Whether you would like me to continue working with you or not, I will provide a quote for the e-Commerce conversion tomorrow, as promised. If you do choose to go with a more experienced developer I look forward to seeing how the site and your brand change as the launch date approaches.

Sincerely,

Selena Houle

Royal LaKill Inc.

Surprisingly, this had the opposite effect.

For some reason, my narcissist decided to continue as if nothing had happened. (Perhaps because we were grossly undercharging for our services.)

I Continued To Recieve Complaints About Our Turnaround Time Anyways

I looked far back in my messages and the longest he ever had to wait for a response during this time was 3–4 days. Ironically, my emails would often go unanswered.

I would sit and wait and wonder if the project had quietly ended without me knowing. No luck.

Sometimes he would complain to complain.

Oddly, Responding Quickly to Other Clients Was Not Okay?

Often my narcissist would complain that our other clients probably didn't have to wait as long. Or often suggest I should work on fewer projects so I could prioritize responding to him faster.

My Correspondence With My Narssist Ended Recently For Personal Reasons

But by the end of it, he walked away with a complete set of logo files, a WordPress website, an e-Commerce shop add-on, two t-shirt designs, a ton of free website maintenance and advice for the criminally low price of $597.45

And now that I say that all out loud, my narcissist pitching a fit about not wanting to pay GST seems even sillier now.

And so, my friends, if a narcissist ever crosses your path run. Don't walk. Run as fast and as far as you can away from them.

Bonus Stuff

Idk. I just found it really funny that every negative review response begins with some version of ‘we’re sorry you feel that way, but you’re wrong.’

I also found a few extra gems while cleaning out our email servers.

Like this beautiful exchange from August 4th to August 5th, where my narcissist was forced to wait all day for me to finish classes so I could update their website.